If You Don't Groom Your Pubes We Probably Wouldn't Be Friends

If you’re one of those guys that doesn’t groom his man hairs, chances are we won’t have much in common.  I know this sounds crazy and I'll probably look back at this post and wonder WTF was I thinking when I wrote this, but for now I think it's fair game so I will continue.

There’s nothing quite like a shorn scrotum. It’s breathtaking, really. I suggest you try it yourself.
- Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

For the record, I don't sit around thinking about who grooms their pubes and who doesn't.  This all started while I was at a corporate event a while back. There were about 80 people in all at this event of which about half were men. We had a private section of a hotel conference center and I happened to see the woman that was cleaning the restroom in the morning because I had to wait for her to finish in order to use it.

By midday, I couldn't help but notice the amount of ball hair on the urinals.  Now remember, these were the same urinals that I saw the woman clean earlier that morning so I know they were hair free AND our group of about 40 guys were the only people using this particular restroom.  Anyway, I couldn’t believe it! I was so grossed out. All I could think of was “Who the Hell has that much ball hair that they can shed like that onto these toilets?”  Seriously it was astounding.  The volume of ball hair was staggering.  I couldn't imagine any group of 40 guys producing that pile.  I was so naive.

Up until then I just assumed that all men younger than my father's generation, groomed their undercarriage.  I mean just based on the porn that I watch, grooming appeared to be commonplace.  Boy was I wrong.  So unfortunately, the way my twisted mind works, I had questions that needed to be answered.  What type of pre-senior citizen, adult male does NOT groom his pubes?  Was I in the minority since I did take a razor to my balls on a regular basis?  Why did this pile of ball hair in front of me trouble me so much?  Sooo many questions...

So in typical Jake fashion, I figured out a non threatening way to ask several guys if they regularly or ever groom their pubes.  Here's what i learned.:

  1. The guys that do tended to be less uptight than the ones that don’t. (Translation: They were more fun to be around.)
  2. I also noticed a difference in social skills between those that do and those that don't.  Those that do were much more out going and extroverted. (Translation: They were more fun to be around.)
  3. The guys that do tended to also be more active and adventurous.  Willing to try new things like activities, foods, places, etc. (Translation: They were more fun to be around.)

I think you get the point.  The guys that "do" were more fun to be around for a host of different reasons. So As I mentioned at the beginning, If You Don't Groom Your Pubes We Probably Wouldn't Be Friends. :-)